Pet Bereavement

Grief is a natural response to losing someone you loved, and that includes an animal. It is not a sign of weakness or of getting things out of proportion.

• Pets are woven into daily routines, so the gap shows up dozens of times a day.
• Grief often comes in waves rather than a steady line, and can return unexpectedly.
• People who live alone, are unwell or are already grieving another loss may feel it especially hard.
• Others in the household may grieve very differently from you. That does not mean they cared less.

You do not have to justify your feelings to anyone. If someone is dismissive, speak instead to a service that understands pet loss.

People describe very different feelings, and some feel several at once. None of these is unusual:

• Shock, numbness or a sense that it has not really happened
• Deep sadness, tearfulness or emptiness
• Guilt about a decision, a delay or something not noticed sooner
• Anger, including anger at a vet, a family member or yourself
• Relief, particularly after a long illness, which can itself bring guilt
• Loneliness and loss of routine or purpose
• Poor sleep, appetite changes, tiredness or difficulty concentrating

Some people also feel little at first and more later. There is no single pattern that everyone follows.

Grief often begins before a pet dies. Living with a serious diagnosis, watching a decline or knowing a decision is coming can be exhausting and frightening.

• Ask the veterinary practice plain questions about what to expect and what signs to watch for.
• Ask about pain relief, comfort, appetite and what a good day and a bad day look like.
• Keep a simple daily note of good and difficult days to help you see patterns.
• Accept practical help with lifting, cleaning, feeding, walking or transport.
• Let yourself enjoy the time that is left without feeling you are pretending.

Pet-bereavement services will usually talk to you before a pet has died, not only afterwards.

Choosing to end a pet’s life is one of the hardest things an owner faces, even when it is clearly the kindest option. Guilt afterwards is extremely common and does not mean you did the wrong thing.

• Talk the decision through with the veterinary team and ask them to explain the options and the likely outcomes.
• Ask what will happen on the day, who can be present and whether a home visit is possible.
• Ask about costs in advance and say if money is a worry, so nothing comes as a shock.
• If the decision was shared with family, remind each other that it was made out of care.

Replaying “what if” questions is normal. Talking them through with a pet-loss listener often helps more than trying to argue yourself out of them.

A road accident, a sudden collapse, a poisoning, a theft or a pet that never comes home can leave shock and distressing images alongside the grief.

• Give yourself time before making decisions about belongings, bedding or paperwork.
• If you want to understand what happened, ask the veterinary practice what information is available.
• If distressing images, flashbacks or panic continue for weeks, speak to your GP.
• Where a pet is still missing, grief without an answer is especially hard, and support services will still talk to you.

For many children, a pet is their first experience of death. Simple, honest words usually help more than softening the truth.

• Use clear words such as “died” rather than “put to sleep” or “gone away”, which can confuse younger children.
• Answer the questions they actually ask, briefly, and let them ask again later.
• Make clear that nothing they did or thought caused the death.
• Let them choose whether to take part in a goodbye or a small memorial.
• Tell the school or nursery, so staff understand any change in behaviour.
• Expect grief to come and go, mixed in with ordinary play.

Older children and teenagers may say little but feel a great deal. Leave the door open rather than pressing them to talk.

For someone who lives alone, a pet may have been their main company and the shape of their whole day. The loss can affect eating, sleeping, going out and speaking to anybody at all.

• Visit or telephone more often for a while, and keep it regular.
• Listen to stories about the animal rather than changing the subject.
• Help with practical jobs, such as clearing bowls or returning unused food.
• Watch for missed meals, missed medication or withdrawal, and involve their GP if you are worried.
• Mention local groups, befriending services or community activities without pressure.

Do not raise the question of another pet unless they bring it up themselves. That decision belongs to them alone, in their own time.

Animals that lived with the pet who died may behave differently for a while. They may search the house, call out, follow you closely, eat less or sleep more.

• Keep feeding, walking and bedtime routines as steady as you can.
• Give quiet company and gentle attention rather than big changes.
• Contact a veterinary practice if an animal stops eating, seems unwell or changes a great deal, because illness can look like grief.
• Do not bring a new animal in to “cheer up” an existing pet without careful thought and advice.

Practical jobs can feel brutal at a raw moment. Most of them can wait a few days, and the veterinary practice can usually explain your choices without rushing you.

• Ask the practice about cremation, individual ashes returned to you, or burial, and about the costs of each.
• Home burial is not always permitted, so check with your council and never bury an animal on land you do not own.
• Cancel or claim on pet insurance, and cancel any monthly health plan.
• Update the microchip database and tell the veterinary practice, groomer, walker or boarding kennel.
• Deal with food, bedding and toys only when you are ready. Local rescues and pet food banks often welcome unopened food and clean bedding.

If you kept a collar, tag or blanket, there is no need to explain that to anyone.

Many people find comfort in marking a pet’s life. There is no expected way to do it, and doing nothing at all is also fine.

• A photograph, printed and framed, or a small album
• A paw print, a clipping of fur or a keepsake box
• A plant, tree or rose in the garden or in a pot
• Writing a letter to the pet, or a few notes about their character
• A small candle or moment of quiet with family at home
• A donation to an animal organisation in the pet’s name, if you can

Anniversaries, birthdays and the first winter walk without them can be hard. Planning something gentle for those days can help.

Ordinary days can feel strange when the routine built around an animal has gone. Most people find their footing slowly rather than all at once.

• Keep the parts of the routine that helped you, such as a morning walk.
• Try to eat, drink and sleep at roughly regular times.
• Tell your employer if you are struggling, and ask what support or flexibility is available.
• Expect difficult moments in familiar places, such as the park or the pet aisle.
• Accept invitations when you can, and say no when you cannot.

Nobody can tell you when, or whether, to share your life with another animal. That is entirely your decision.

Grief becomes a health concern when it stops you functioning for a long period, or when you feel unsafe. Asking for help then is sensible, not dramatic.

• Speak to your GP if low mood, anxiety or sleeplessness continues for weeks.
• Ask your GP about NHS talking therapies, which you can also refer yourself to in England.
• For urgent mental-health help, call NHS 111 and select the mental-health option.
• Samaritans is free, day and night, on 116 123.
• If you or someone else is not safe, call 999 or go to A&E.

These organisations offer free support to people grieving a pet. Check each page for current opening hours and contact methods.

• Blue Cross Pet Loss Support (opens in a new tab)
• PDSA – coping with the grief and loss of a pet (opens in a new tab)
• Cats Protection – Paws to Listen grief support (opens in a new tab)
• Cats Protection – grief and loss advice (opens in a new tab)
• NHS – where to get urgent mental-health help (opens in a new tab)
• Samaritans (opens in a new tab)